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INTRODUCTION
In this book, Michael states that pop culture has given us a false romantic ideal of what it means to be in a relationship.
Social media has misled many by projecting the idea of love in pictures like couples
posing in high-end restaurants, boy & girl kissing, giving the impression that relationships are all rosy.
Michael Todd's writing views sex, dating and relationships from a Christian context using the Bible as a reference. Something he feels Christian Churches overlook.
The author feels that the church teaches too much religion and not enough human relation skills. This has led to many lonely hearts, friendless people and broken marriages.
This book is about real relationships which focus on the importance of human connection.
About the Author
Michael Todd is the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Oklahoma together with his wife Natalie.
They aspire to reach their community, city & the world in a relevant and progressive way.
Michael has spoken at a variety of influential churches, events, universities and conferences including elevation church (Steve Furtick), C3 Conference (Fellowship Church), Lakewood Church (Joel Osteen), XO conference (Gateaway Church) and others.
Michael &Natalie have been married since 2010 and live in Tulsa with three beautiful children.
Who is this Book for you if?
Need sex, dating and marriage advice from a Christian context
Grew up in the modern world with no source of wisdom to draw from
You desire a healthy, successful & purpose-led marriage.
Looking to win in relationships
5 GOLD NUGGETS
#1. Develop a relationship with God
Michael states that cultivating a healthy relationship with God is the foundation of everything.
Out of a relationship with God, flows all other blessings
He goes on to state that the Bible is the ultimate source of relationship wisdom which is timeless when it comes to applying it to our romantic relationships.
He emphasises that we can only draw this wisdom if we stay connected to God through daily devotion.
The author mentions that most Christian pastors don't talk about the realities of today's relationships and how to live with others.
This has led to the rise of unhealthy pressure to attain perfection based on other people's opinions, causing many to seek help.
Mike says that God is our creator and He knows us inside out. Therefore He's the one with the manual on how to build successful human relationships.
Godly relationships call for Kindness, sacrifice, integrity & forgiveness, qualities which don't come naturally be it for God. God gives us the grace required for human relationships.
#2. Find your purpose
Michael insists that its best to be living in your purpose before finding relationships.
The author mentions that its best to consider your special calling in your life, your individuality before starting your relational journey.
The reason is close relationships have an impact on how well you can fulfil your purpose. Be it friend, roommate, business investors, especially your spouse.
As you look for a person to date, marry, friends, you can use your singleness on getting to know God and doing what He's called you to do.
When your love comes along, he'll fit right into your life, propelling you forward.
He stresses that it's not automatic to know your purpose. One has to first sense it then God reveals it bit by bit.
#3. Set Relationship Goals
Michael states that you need a romantic goal that's backed by God's goals for relationships.
You cant wander around aimless. You'll end up dating anyone who shows you interest, get comfortable in an existing relationship or have passion die off.
You should have a target so that when you take aim, you don't miss.
You'll avoid a lot of wasted resources, frustration and time.
Set the right goals and only chose people who add value to your life.
Trust God to bring people into your life to move each other into greatness.
#4. Avoid Soul Ties
The author explains that a soul tie is anything that binds you emotionally, physically, spiritually or verbally.
These are hard to break and cause people to keep running back even when in stable relationships.
Michael reveals that soul ties happen when someone allows themselves to become attached to someone or something that has the power to affect him.
There're Godly soul ties, such as marriage and Ungodly Soul ties, those that we attach to negatively and affect our purpose such as gangs, pimps, dealers, addicts, bad friendships.
The author insists that we have to be mindful when it comes to casual sex because you might be able to protect your physical body against STD's but there's no condom for the heart.
That's because it's never easy to become separated from people who you've been sexually intimate with.
He emphasises that if you find yourself in a soul tie, run from it, cut it, calls it, confess it, and cast it.
#5. Marriage is a covenant that needs nurturing
Marriage is only as good as the people in it. Ideally, both partners should individually with the help of God be working on their purpose.
Michael says that husband and wife are joined together by God. It's the deepest two people can get, therefore it produces a mature and committed type of love.
The author explains that marriage isn't about competing towards perfection as no one partner should feel more superior to the other.
It's a life long process whereby God is responsible for fixing each of us in His Own time.
Marriage requires constant self-work and is fuelled by 3 keys:
Understanding each other's needs
Communication
Knowing how to resolve conflict
Conclusion
Michael's book anchors on cultivating a wholesome and purpose-filled sense of self and having a clear focus on what you desire to get out of your personal relationships based on God's will
Action Plan
Start daily devotion as a way to get closer to God
Evaluate the current state of your relationships
Discover your purpose
Set your relational goals for all levels of people in your life.
Personal Take
This is an interesting take on relationships. It focusses on being the best version of yourself, anchored in Christ and intentionally setting your desires for the type of relationships you pursue.
I enjoyed how the author took the time to explain the reasons why you shouldn't be unequally yoked and the emotional pain it causes.
Read this book if you want to start setting relationship goals, become a high-quality woman who wins in her relationships.
Rating: 4.5/5
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This summary is not intended as a replacement for the original book and all quotes are credited to the above-mentioned author and publisher.
Hugs,
Linda O.
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